The Setbacks

What Would the Setbacks Do?

Many, Many Souls Saved Since 2002

Here's where we, the Setbacks, get a chance to answer your questions and give general advice on anything you'd like to ask us.

Email questions to advice[at]thesetbacks.com

Trevor	Awaiting wisdom...
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	I can sympathize with your problem but there seems to be two separate issues here. Sound and smell. Let’s review the smell aspect of this issue. Yogurt doesn’t exactly have the greatest smell but it also is not that strong. This leads me to believe that you have an acute sensitivity to yogurt based smells. This leads me to believe that dairy has harmed you some how. This leads me to believe that you were possibly violated by a cow. This leads me to a mental picture of you crying with milk sprayed all over your face. This leads me to have nightmares. Conclusion: Stay away from rural areas. You’re welcome.
Chris	Awaiting wisdom...badda bing badda boom

Trevor	Listen KEVIN! Everyone has eating quirks, and they are almost always harmless. Most people will ignore these quirks. If anything they are often good conversation starters, and help lead people to get to know the real you. For example, I refuse to eat anything phallic (bananas, popsicles, hotdogs, penises, etc). Nothing hurtful about that, but some people consider it weird. Paul only eats things he can prepare in a toaster oven. This is fine, but very unhealthy. We've all encouraged him to expand his pallet, but he can't get past chicken wings and cheese sticks. Steve refuses to close his mouth no matter what while eating. It's pretty gross, but not really bad. I recall a lunch meeting with David Geffen that was cut short as a result of this. Actually, I guess that is a really bad quirk, it did ultimately cost The Setbacks a real opportunity. Come to think of it, we should probably be really pissed of at Steve. Thanks for reminding me Kevin, now I'm definitely not accepting Steve's offer for a reunion tour. So I hope this makes you less self conscious about your eating habits. Next time you're sitting down to nosh with some buds, spend less time worrying about your 'quirk', and actually take a look at the other neanderthals at the table. Oh, I almost forgot Chris' eating quirk. He insists that the most efficient way to get nutrients from food is to stick it in his bum instead of his mouth. Come to think of it, this is what made me stop eating phallic foods. See that: full circle answer. Bam!
Steve	I'm pretty sure this is exactly how Dexter Morgan eats all of his meals. It's this kind of bizarre attention to detail when it comes to performing such mundane tasks as eating that allow us to peer into the mind of a psychopath. Right now I'm glad I live 5000 KM away from you. In fact, I'm going to Facebook un-friend you and notify the police that you've made several threats to kill me just to cover my ass. Wait, that doesn't sound right... you didn't threaten to kill me so that you could physically cover up my ass... or maybe that's exactly what I want the police to think! Wait. That's it. You're a deranged psychopath who kills for pleasure and your calling card is to place a small towel over your victim's rear ends. You sick, sick man...
Paul	I had to think about this one for a while. What life experience could push a person to portion out their food equally? What possible traumatic event could lead a person to be this anal? Then it hit me, this is a classic case of “Momma Bird Syndrome”. This is similar to the “Empty Nest Syndrome” that parents go through but this applies to the child. Let me explain. Growing up under your parents rule, meals are portioned out, clothes are provided, and toys allotted to each child. The child’s entire upbringing is controlled. Then when the child moves out of the house, they suddenly have infinite freedom. This is overwhelming for some to handle. To help balance this freedom, the child puts constraints on their daily life such as food portioning or curfews. Based on this diagnosis, I would also assume that you bring a sweater with you when you leave the house in case it gets cold. Am I right? Luckily the cure for this affliction is very simple: Grow the fuck up!
Chris	Hi there Kevin, I've read your question, and if I'm being honest, I don't really think it's that weird. A little obsessive compulsive maybe - but weird? I don't think so. I prefer saving the word "weird" from really oddball situations and people. As an example, if you were doing this with human excrement, or mindlessly scribbled scraps of paper a la A Beautiful Mind - well then that would be weird, and I'd probably be making some comparisons to Howard Hughes later in life. Food is an essential part of who we are. Do whatever makes you more comfortable to get your four squares a day. I can unequivocally guarantee you that if you do that in the presence of a lady though, she'll probably think twice about being with you. Scale it back a tad on that front if you're on a date. That's it. Best of luck.

Trevor	Listen KEVIN! Sometimes the simplest answer is the best. We can guess at your overall condition till we're blue in the face, but we have to give you advice based on what information we have. In this case, you basically feel the need to close cupboard doors. The solution: keep closing them when you see them open. No harm in that. Unless you are spending all of your free time closing them, causing you to miss work and not bathe, etc. In that case, maybe consider either removing the doors completely (though this might push you over the edge), or nailing them shut and keeping all your kitchen stuff on the counter. Simple. Easy.
Steve	Like Paul said - we're just dealing with the tip of the iceberg here... for all we know quirks 2 through 7 are "I can't help jamming a knife into the chest of anyone that looks at me the wrong way". Let's just assume that this is a typical quirk and all the rest are on the same level. Clearly, you suffer from crippling OCD. I'm not a doctor (yet) or a licensed psychiatrist (anymore) but I know a thing or two about obsessive-compulsive disorder. I know 1) there's a Wikipedia page about OCD and 2) I just quickly scanned it and discovered some alarming news that you should really keep in mind next time you feel the need to close all the cupboards. Unfortunately, since you're sept-dipping with 7 questions in 1 I'm only able to provide 1/7th of the helpful advice I would normally deliver in one of my responses. You'll have to deal with this one on your own, but I will say this: don't expose yourself to bright lights, never get yourself wet and NEVER EVER feed after midnight. I shudder to think what the consequences would be.
Paul	This seems like a pretty easy issue to deal with. However I'm hesitant to give a diagnosis. The other 6 quirks might shed some light on other issues. Since I don't have that information, I'll treat this as an isolated question. You obviously have issues with having a small penis. The open cupboard doors are a metaphor for when, possibly when you were younger, you left the fly to your pants open and everyone saw your penis and laughed. Now to counteract this mental scarring, you are in a constant battle to close open "doors". In this world where giant appendages rule, some of us (myself excluded) are destined to be hung like a light switch. The cure for this affliction takes a long time and has many steps. Your confidence must first be destroyed even further and then slowly built back up. The first step involves walking around a public place with a banana hanging out the fly of your pants. The steps slowly escalate until you are comfortable with looking at a penis in an open cupboard. There are too many subtleties in the steps to go into detail on this short column. We may have to talk offline.
Chris	Hi Kevin, Ever seen Poltergeist? There's a crazy scene where the kitchen gets absolutely fucked UP by ghosts. Here's a taste. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJoCAoLvly8 How manic are you getting right now?

Trevor	Listen ANONYMOUS! This is a common problem. You see, sex is like an onion. It's sweet when you first bite into it, but it can make you cry, and it can make your breath stink. So my advice is to use an onion for practice. Spend lots of time eating onions; raw, sauteed, boiled, anyway you can think of. Are you having spaghetti for supper? Toss in onions. Thinking of meatloaf this weekend? Top it with onions. Making your mom's famous cookie recipe? Just add onions. You see what I'm getting at. Eat a lot of onions, because onions are like sex.
Steve	Negotiating the battlefields of love is tricky business. Just ask Pat Benetar. Actually, scratch that. What am I saying? You asked the Setbacks and the Setbacks are answering. Sorry Pat -- we got this one. Now, let's talk about your predicament. When I'm faced with a difficult decision relating to the stuff that happens under the sheets with your naughty bits I look to GOD -- not his high-holiness the Lord, I'm talking about Guaradians of Death (www.guardiansofdeath.com). GOD is a forum dedicated to serious discussion about Call of Duty Black Ops and Gears of War 3. Both of these are amazing games with killer multiplayer modes and tonnes of wicked aspects like team play, missions and very realistic graphics. I decided to take a bit of initiative and posted your question on the "Potpourri" section of the GOD forum. Here are a few responses I've already received after just a few hours -- a testament to how strong a community GOD is: From xxBlackOpsKill85xx: What's "sex"? From GearsHead1999: I'm not sure I follow either. From COD4Life: Can you explain what sex is? I can't answer until you do that. From GearPlayaHater: What's sex? So helpful as always. Thanks guys!
Paul	I like to lay out the options for people, show the pros and cons of each choice, and then you should be able to make your decision. If you have sex with her and then propose there are two general outcomes: 1) She is ecstatically happy with both the sex and the proposal and immediately says yes. (If this happens, awesome. Lock that down and grow old together). 2) Regardless of the quality of the sex, you completely surprise her with the proposal, she starts to cry, and says no. (If the sex was really good, you can assume that she was lying to you about being a virgin so it is a good thing that you aren’t getting married. If the sex was bad AND she says no, you have really botched things. You have literally and figuratively blown your wad too soon. If you guys stay together after this and plan to have sex again, she is going to be waiting and cringing every time after sex because she thinks you will propose to her. If you do this, you are as good as dumped.) My final advice is to just have the sex. See how things go. Then make a decision on the proposal. Hope this helps.
Chris	Hi there, You know...sex is like smores. The more you have, the stickier the mess. It's also like filling up on bread before a meal. It's impossible not to do. Lastly...sex is like laundry. You need to do it. Maybe these references aren't ideal in my attempt to articulate what I mean. How about a line from George Michael's classic tune... It's natural It's chemical (let's do it) It's logical Habitual (can we do it?) It's sensual But most of all..... Sex is something that we should do Sex is something for me and you ...ahem...not ME and YOU...but you know...you and your lady. Embrace the fact that sex is written into our DNA. That will guarantee your success. If you're confident and assertive, while simultaneously being a gentleman and sensitive, I'm certain you'll thoroughly enjoy each other's company. Perhaps bring a small CD player, a bottle of champagne, and a Sarah Brightman disc. Ever thought of a pair of sexy dice? How about a sexy dance? The bottom line Anonymous - even though you're new at this, you need to dive into this like you're a pro....and when I say dive in, I mean in between her legs. Just an FYI...if you manage to actually dive in there...as in an Olympic dive...then she is definitely not a virgin.

Trevor	Listen PRINGLE! I assume that, like me, you have already grouped your friends into 3 categories of importance: A being the best, B being pretty good, and C being filler. You need to get the guest list, compare it with your list, and then follow theses simple rules: 1. If all guests are on the A list, it doesn't matter how many there are, you go. 2. Guests from B should never outnumber A, and C should never outnumber B. 3. If it is a mixed party of less than 10 people, you're going to want to make sure there is a ratio of 2A to 1B/C, making sure that rule 2 is not broken. 4. For a party of more than 10 people, the ration can be 1.5A to 1B/C, but again rule 2 should never be broken. These are simple social rules, and I'm surprised you didn't already just consult your friendship matrix to determine whether or not you should go. There's even an app for that.
Steve	That's a tough one, Christopher. It really depends on who those other two people are. Say, if it was Burt Reynolds and the Queen of England, then I'd go for sure. But if it was anyone else then I'd probably be having second thoughts like you are now. Wait. If it actually is Burt Reynolds and the Queen of England, can you let me know? Can you ask if you'd be allowed to bring one guest? I can make some dip or something. I actually found a recipe that only calls for one container of cream cheese and some hot peppers and it tastes EXACTLY like you're eating jalapeno poppers. Have you ever had those? They're so good.
Paul	Dear Scrooge, If Bill Murray has taught me anything, it’s that stapling horns to a mouse in your miniature nativity scene does not make you “festive”. It this guy really is a close friend, maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe you should introduce him to more people. Maybe you make a snowman. Maybe you should bake a tray of cookies. Maybe you should bring a bottle of butterscotch schnapps. Maybe you should bring a stripper. Maybe you should switch to briefs. Maybe you should order the club sandwich. Maybe you should accept others imperfections. Maybe you should watch more Discovery Channel. Maybe price is the difference. Maybe it’s not all about the Benjamin’s. What I’m trying to say is that I think you should go to the lunch thing.
Chris	Hey idiot, There's a word for these kinds of things. It's "scams". One of two things is going to happen here - and I'm saying this with little to no idea of how well you know this "friend" of yours. A) - You're going to conveniently be told to go to a Holiday Inn Express near the airport due to a location change, and will enter a room with two Scandinavian dudes in robes who'll insist on you having a few drinks. There'll be a video camera set up, and next thing you know you're being stuffed like a Christmas turkey. B) - It's an intervention. From personal experience, this is a guaranteed awkward situation waiting to happen. If you get there, and you allow them to get to the letters that they've written you - you're fucked. Either way - bail man.

Trevor	Listen HAMBURGER! I am having trouble answering this question, because I am the opposite of your boyfriend. I refuse to eat any food that is in any way sexual. I have never eaten banana, hot dog, pickel, cheese string (unshredded), popsicle, or bratwurst. When I eat melons, potatoes, tomatoes, apples, or oranges I always eat only 1 at a time. I have never had a roast beef sandwich. Bottom line, you need to get away from this guy. He sounds too crazy in sexual ways. He may even want to have sex with you. You've been warned.
Steve	Hi Jenny, it's great to be back helping people. Thanks for your warm wishes. Good news - I've solved this one for you. This is a classic case of sexual frustration bubbling up to the surface. For most guys, these untapped urges manifest themselves in a few harmless ways: chewing on ice, smoking cigarettes, or soliciting prostitutes, for example. Some guys, however, are either unable to conceal their raging libido or they just choose not to. I'm not sure what category your boyfriend falls under, but bottom line he's basically a ticking timebomb and unless you dingle his dingleberries in the next 24 hours you'll run the risk of more frequent embarrassing outbursts like the ones you described. Only, they'll get worse... I mean, a friend of mine was single for a while and he was feeling particular lonely one night and I don't even want to tell you what he did to the watermelons at the IGA. He's still not allowed back there. Guys are like pressure valves that need to be constantly monitored or they'll explode. And I don't mean explode in the sexual way - they'll literally detonate like a kilogram and a half of C4. You don't want to have that blood on your hands, do you?
Paul	Jenny, men are a simple kind, this is an easy answer. Fight sex with sex. Don’t interpret this as a recommendation to start deep throating pogo-dogs in front of your boyfriend because this will work against what you are looking for. What I suggest is that you start withholding sex every time he does this type of behavior. Men understand this type of basic interaction. Since your boyfriend sounds a little dense, you may have to go the extra mile. For example, if you are out at a seafood restaurant and your boyfriend starts gargling lobster tails, you simply need to get his attention, grab the clam you are eating, hold it in front of you, and slam it shut. He’ll get the hint. (PS: This technique also works with gestures such as a philly steak and cheese sandwiches slamming shut, a train running into a wall, or smashing a mushroom top.) Good luck.
Chris	Wow. What a dilly of a situation you've found yourself in. I'm going to drop some knowledge here. The way you've characterized this situation is 10000% inaccurate. Obviously we have to divide everything you're saying here by 2. Eating food is one of the ONLY times when men aren't thinking about doing it. Matter of fact, sex is probably the last thing on our mind. Plenty of times - when the Setbacks get together for a little something we like to refer to as Buds 'N' Suds - we'll be having chicken wings and next thing you know, Trevor and Steve are locking mushed hands while they do one of those Spock-from-Star-Trek "Live Long And Prosper" gestures and spreading their coupled fingers. Fast forward 10 seconds and someone's checking what's underneath the hood (if you know what I mean) - just in time for the other one to slip a chicken wing out of the little area in between. Is this sexual? Not the last time I checked. It's called friendship, Jenny. I wouldn't expect you to understand this, because it sounds like you're a fucking downer. In my personal experience - all women think that all men think about is sex. Sometimes we just hang out and like savoring our food. That ever occur to you? Of course not. You were probably too busy having your period and looking into things with an emotional magnifying glass - but I'll tell you what Jenny - next time I'm eating a smoked meat sandwich, I can assure you that the last thing I'll be doing is treating the food like it's a set of moist beef drapes. No, no, no,...I'll be thinking about the time and effort required to smoke that savory brisket, and any remotely enthusiastic activity going on as I consume that astonishing sandwich will be because I think it tastes damned good.

Trevor	Listen FOLGERS! If you hate feeling like an asshole, maybe you shouldn’t be one. But seriously, you need to cut off this friendship like fate cut off his leg: cleanly and swiftly. This could lead to him having something called a ‘ghost friendship’. People who have limbs cut off often experience ‘ghost limb’ where they still reach for things even though they don’t have an arm. It’s not pleasant, but he’s still going to reach to you for things, but you need to not be there for him. We played with a band once who sang a song about ghost limbs. It didn’t seem to be in good taste. We were not comfortable playing with them.
Steve	Honestly Craig, I wasn't aware that two Angus burgers is less than $12. That's not very much money at all. In fact, I could probably find that in the cushions of my couch... or, to use a more common saying, by effortlessly mugging a disabled military veteran on his way to meet his friend for lunch. Back to your problem, Craig - I have a sneaking suspicion this advice question might have been made up. Craig, the Setbacks take giving thoughtful advice very seriously and frankly I don't appreciate you wasting our time with this phony baloney question. Get out of the way so we can get back to helping people with their real problems. Good day, sir.
Paul	This is possibly one of the most offensive questions I have ever read in my entire life. This is coming from a person that regularly reads the Dear Abby column where it is almost common place to hear the sentences “Is it wrong that my husband spends more time on the computer looking at marsupial muffs then mine?” or “I found a diesel powered pitching machine in our garage but my husband doesn’t play baseball, should I be worried?” You have serious issues. Suck it up and lend the dude $3.
Chris	Man - kick this motherfucker to the curb! Then tell him he'll never be able to do what you just did to him because you have BOTH of your feet. Then do a moonwalk, and say the same thing. Lastly, subtly whisper in his ear that you LOVE buying PAIRS of shoes. Drastic? Maybe. Necessary? Absolutely. Listen, I come from the Mel Gibson school of solutions. Doing politically incorrect and outrageously insensitive things is part of what gets things done. In Mel's case, it ended his career and prevented Lethal Weapon 5 from ever happening. In your case, it's going to reduce or likely eliminate your loans to this deadbeat. It might also end your friendship - but if I'm being honest, having a friend with one foot is kind of gross, anyways.

Trevor	Listen BUZZ! I think space is awesome so count me in! But I don’t think I will need the training, I’m in pretty good space travel shape. Everyday I spend about 2 hours on a trampoline, and when I’m at the very top of the jump there is an instant where I feel weightless. I’m pretty sure it’s the same as space. I also eat only dehydrated food, so I’m ready there too. Also, I heard that astronauts keep a cyanide pill in their mouths during space walks so that they can kill themselves if they start floating away. Cancel mine; I think suffocating while floating in the eternal expanse of space would be a better way to go. I know we’ll need Chris’ participation to help you on the receding hairline study, so I’ll try to talk him into it.
Steve	Hi Buzz, I was in White Sands earlier this year for the regatta. Had a wonderful time. On the subject of space travel, I'm definitely interested. I know you didn't mention any specific dates, but my schedule's just been really nuts lately and I'm not sure I can 100% commit to much of anything at this point. You know how it is... I'm slammed at the office and I've got hockey starting back up so that totally cuts into one evening a week. On top of that, I've been meaning to get some stuff done around the house... just a bit of tidying up here and there (nothing major) but it always helps to set aside a bit of time to make sure that it gets done. Anyways, like I said - space sounds really cool and I definitely think that it'd be neat to go - but I'm just not sure timing-wise if it's going to work. Can you maybe text me when you're about to start the training and I can let you know if it's do-able or not? There's just a chance I might be really bushed and want to veg in front of the TV for a night. I know... L-A-M-E... but I'm still getting over this cold and I don't want to have to deal with another bout of the sniffles. You know how it is.
Paul	Hey Buzz, Space travel is serious business. As a person that gets nauseous just thinking about spinning, I’m torn. I relate space travel, for the purpose of this metaphor, to Mexican catamaran tours. Sure they sound like they would be amazing but are you going to enjoy the beautiful scenery or are you going to be passed out in the hull of the ship. For the sake of science, I will assume that my hearing loss and queasiness won’t eliminate me from going to space. Space travel would be amazing. Being in an environment where you are weightless and can view the Earth from a point of view only a handful of people have seen would be worth any amount of crazy training or tests. This question has really peaked my interest. What if we were the first band in space? Would our instruments make any sound? Would the sound go out into space forever? These are really important questions that I think NASA should approach. I’m pretty sure the other guys would be interested…. except for Saracino. Drummers are a dime a dozen. I’m sure we could find someone to join us in space. Thanks for the question.
Chris	Hi Buzz, First of all - are you related to Justin Hammer? You know - Sam Rockwell's character in Iron Man 2? Ha ha. I know you're not. Thought I'd break the ice. First of all...I'm semi very interested. I love coffee, and I have a receding hairline. Only problem is...I've zero interest in going to space, thinking about space, or even watching movies about space. Know why? Cuz we don't fucking belong there. The other day 2010: A Space Odyssey was on AMC. Well I shook my head and changed the channel. No thanks. I'd rather watch 13 going on 30 50 times than think about the vortex that is the observable universe. I've devised some pros and cons for you to consider before embarking on this stupid idea... Pros about space: Quiet View of the earth (depending on where you are - if you're on Saturn, the view sucks). Cons about space: It's crazy Vacuum No air Dark It sucks Need a special suit Your food is in a toothpaste tube Expensive trip Insane If the rest of the gents want to play with their lives as they would a series of chips in a no holds barred game of Crazy Eights - so be it. I'm fine on earth. Also - what the hell makes you think I would be willing to get whipped around like a can of paint at Color Your World before being launched into space? That's the shittiest part of getting prepped to go there. I can barely handle even fucking looking at the Gravitron from the Bank Street bridge in Ottawa when when EX is going down in the summer. Thanks - but no thanks.

Trevor	Listen SIZZLA! This is a real tough question. In all matters of the heart I would say honesty is the best policy. You're going to have to tell her that you are not a douche, and as a result you don't like Hinder. If you just go through with it and pretend everything is ok, you're probably going to get a hinder t-shirt for your birthday, then a hinder bandana for Easter, and finally the full Hinder 3 piece bedroom set for Christmas. Once a lady thinks she's found something you like, she will keep going back to the trough. Trust me, I once said I liked penne, and now it's worked into every meal. Have you ever had penne hamburgers? It's too late for me, not too late for you.
Steve	Awaiting wisdom...
Paul	Oh Terry, you've got yourself quite the little problem here. This question is perfect for this website because not only is this a rock n' roll question but it is also a relationship question. Both are our speciality. This reminds me of a while back when our drummer Chris came up to me and asked me if I bought the new John Legend album. I looked at him both with a quizzical and sad face. He caught himself about halfway through the question. His embarrassment was obvious. He had inadvertently ruined our friendship. All I could do was to place my hand on his shoulder and shake my head. He has tried to win back my friendship by saying that he listens to Sir Lord Baltimore but I've seen the Alicia Keys CD's in his car. We are cordial in our interactions now but that original spark is gone forever. The lesson here is that relationships and rock n' roll should be kept secret. For the love of your new born baby, fake loving Hinder.
Chris	Awaiting wisdom...badda bing badda boom

Trevor	Listen LISSTEN! I once ran a landscaping company as well. It was KC Landscaping and it was not successful. My business partner Matt and I went to Cedarhill, a rich neighbourhood, and put flyers in everyone’s mailbox. After flyering for 3 days we took a rest. We finally got a call a week later, when someone needed some weeding done. Our flyer advertised free quotes, so I rushed over to give a competitive bid. I couldn’t get a hold of Matt so I was on my own. I quoted $10, as it did not seem like an overly strenuous job. She immediately informed me we were hired, so I went back home to get the gear and notify Matt. I worked for almost an hour when Matt finally showed up. Together we worked for another 3 hours. The client was nice enough to offer us a can of Coke each when we were done. All told we never covered the cost of the photocopies and our business immediately folded. Matt and I went into hiding to avoid the Business Depot creditors, who were looking for their money (obviously the names in this story have been changed as we are both still in hiding). Regardless, I think there is an important lesson here for you: hire me on as a business consultant and you will see immediate results, or at the very least some great tips on changing your identity to hide from your leaf artists and creditors.
Steve	I too have bitten by the entrepreneurial bug. I've felt it's many hair-covered legs crawl up my thigh and around the underside of my genitalia. I've witnessed it lay several thousand eggs at the base of my scrotum. I've felt the joy of providing those larvae with a warm, moist, and nutrient-rich environment in which to thrive. I've also felt the pain of losing over three quarters of the unborn creatures to a freak aardvark encounter. Through my experiences I've learned two things: running a business means checking your emotions at the door sometimes and acting in a logical and rational manner. Secondly, Gold Bond medicated powder can provide you with moderate relief from entrepreneurial itch.
Paul	At last, a question concerning one of my favorite subjects. You may be saying to yourself, "I didn't know that Paul loved gardening" but you would be wrong. One of my favorite subjects is financial planning. Over the years of running this band I have learned many business lessons. Most of them have been the hard way. For example, let me tell you about a show we did Perth. At the start of the night things were looking good. This was one of our shows where we were paid no matter what the turnout at the bar. Great. The bar offered us dinner before our set. Awesome. The show went really well. Lots of people were there. We all had a great time. We ended up drinking quite a lot of beer. At the night we got paid by the bar. Super. We also at this time got the bar tab. We got paid $250 but we drank $350 worth of beer. Not cool. We couldn't even cover the gas to get to Perth. This is what the financial community calls "shitty". My suggestion to you is to not go drinking with Trevor.
Chris	Gregmilion, I feel your pain. I inherited a Dairy Queen franchise from my great uncle in the summer of 2004. I was on top of the world. I mean, who wouldn't be... I gained 15 lbs and was having the time of my life eating Dilly Bars, Peanut Buster Parfaits, and the cheesecake crumbs they put in Blizzards. Life was good. Too damn good I tell you. I had hired 40 employees, paid them all $14.95 an hour, and they all worked at the same time. I did some fancy tweaking of my prices too. I was selling everything and anything for 2 bucks. Let's put it this way. At any given point, you could see a mile long line of customers at the location, eagerly waiting for 2 dollar anything at MY Dairy Queen. Business was brisk. I was the market leader in sales for all Dairy Queens in Canada, and I also conveniently had the most employees of any location in North America because things were going so well. My employees were ecstatic. Two of them, not even 20 year old, were able to buy BMWs. They all loved me....customers and employees alike. I considered running for mayor. Then something happened. The weather changed, and small frozen particles of water began falling from the sky. The wind grew strong and cold. White frozen powdery stuff started covering the streets, and it became night time at 5:00 p.m. I talked to the city about this, and they gave me no useful information. Suddenly, wicked fucking awesome frozen treats became not as popular as a result of people needing to wear "coats" and "sweater". My business evaporated in an INSTANT! I even tried running a special, where for 5 bucks you got 60 dipped cones. I made some of the employees eat them on the corner, in an effort to entice people to buy soft serve.....all to no avail. The answer to your question: I laid off my employees gracefully. I explained to them that the business was a victim of an unprecedented natural phenomenon, which was what I was convinced was the end of the world. I explained my views to them, and gave them all $5000 severance packages. I am all about employee respect and having dignity. No one knows how hard it is to twist the cones and make a banana split. It's just as hard as driving a bus. Needless to say, my business was closed, and I am currently dealing with a $675,000 personal debt. Once I climb out of this hole...I am considering a restaurant business of just piping hot soups.